Daft Punk are not playing at your award show

As a direct competitor to Paris Match and destination for the one in a million butterfingers who type the URL they’re actually looking for into their browser incorrectly – and because there are so few music outlets that will pay me money for news reportage with gags in these days – it seems appropriate that this website comment on a grave story of huge political significance that’s got the whole of France talking. It’s a story about hurt and betrayal and the plight of a couple of robots who’ve allegedly let their country down with selfish behaviour… no, I’m not talking about Francois Hollande and Julie Gayet, I’m talking Daft Punk obviously. Silly.

When the Victoires de la Musique nominations were announced yesterday, gasps were heard all over the shop. I know I convulsed at the news so if anyone was in earshot of me they would have heard a massive gulp followed by some wheezing and hyperventilating as I failed to come to terms with the terrible announcement. As I work here alone during the day, I’m pretty sure nobody would have heard me unless they’d crept into the flat with the intention of burgling the place but then snuck out again when they heard my obvious distress (and didn’t want to compound my terrible day yet further because they’re nice burglars really. Deep down). I digress of course.

Oh God, I’m here all by myself. What if I fall on an upturned pen?

Anyway, Daft Punk have not been nominated for a sausage. Même pas une saucisson. How could this be? The biggest international musical export France has ever known not being recognised by the Gallic equivalent of the Brit Awards? Answer: they withdrew their own nomination in all categories.

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Why this is, nobody is exactly sure. Daft Punk are keeping mums thus far. Some have charitably suggested it’s to give others a chance. More likely it is the fact les chemises behind the Victoires de la Musique – who have made the Brits’ hierarchy look like carefree hipsters in the past – are yet to have given Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter even the steam off their piss in all the years they’ve been at it, and so this annum and with maximum leverage, the electro duo are taking their ballon home as punishment. If that punitive measure weren’t enough, they’ve also lifted their own strictly imposed appearance embargo to star at the forthcoming Grammys. Va te faire foutre!

To be fair to the corporate bods behind the ceremony, they’ve pulled out one or two surprises this year in the categories. Stromae (who’s Belgian) is nominated everywhere, while Christine and the Queens, Cats in Paris, La Femme, Gesaffelstein, Kavinisky etc all got nods alongside the irrefutably fusty Eddy Mitchell and Johnny Halliday. Well what were you expecting, miracles? Interestingly, Lilly Wood from Lilly Wood and the Prick is up for best female performance (against Zaz and Vanessa Paradis), but no love for The Prick in the men’s unfortunately.

Here is the full list of nominees.

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